what are the odds of this fruit snack assortment? i opened up a little packet and did what i always do: eat the ones i dont like first. after eating only one grape and one orange i looked down to see what else to eat:and i was left with one pink and NINE reds! craziness! too bad there werent any peaches in there... of this brand they are my favorites! (and the only ones that actually taste like a fruit)i cuddled with emma, played and snuggled a bit with tucker, picked up tucker pee, baked banana bread, had grilled pb and j sandwiches, had the fruit snacks, and watched lots of tv. i also chatted briefly with judith on gchat. i did a ton of dishes in between and was on a bit of an emotional roller coaster for myself. On one of the shows i watched today (The Closer) Barrett Foa ended up being on it (yay) and it resulted in my happiness at him being able to show a really emotional side of his acting and once again thinking he should be singing on some stage in NYC.
as far as my emotional state i was happy at some points which resulted in my cleaning out my scary inbox and stuff, but i was also unhappy in other ways that resulted in not good things (did you see what i ate today?) and thinking about things in general. i have always known i didnt want to physically live in NYC for the rest of my life, but not that i have any idea where i would be willing to live. today (and yesterday too kind of) i wished i were some place else. i know i am a long ways away from leaving the city because i am not at a point in my life where i can just go someplace else. i am not ready to part with the friends i have close by, and dont feel like making new ones... so hopefully this feeling passes since i do not know what i want out of life any more... i am just sort of floating through with no aim or direction and that scares the crap out of me... i used to be so ambitious, and have so many plans, and now well i have nothing... i just cant deal with certain things anymore and am sick of keeping up appearances ya know? i need something but i just dont know what? there is so much going on in this head of mine that i just cant express... partly because i dont know how to and partly because i dont have anyone i am willing to unleash it all on... not because i dont trust but i just dont want to open that can of worms... though i am midly by this very public post, oy!
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