Day 322/365 (July 6, 2009)

he's chewing a little bone here

today was a short and long day in many ways. tucker was especially stressful in the barking and biting department, but he also played games and cuddled with me at times. i read harry potter and the half-blood prince for quite sometime (over 100 pages) and am well on my way to finishing it before i go see the movie.

my emotional state was better than it has been the last several days but it began to break while i was grocery shopping and realized that there is nothing that excites me anymore (food-wise) and that made me think about things which led to a downward spiral, which means i am trying my best to fix it because i am proud of the fact i made it several hours before lying down on the couch.

so stupid thing of the day? someone broke their key in the apartment building door so you cant put your own key in there so you are stuck outside until either someone leaves the building or you can find someone to buzz you in by pushing random buttons... translation they better fix this in the early morning or else! then once you make it past the first door you have no worries since the second door lock is broken and you dont even need to put a key in it... just push it! (go figure)

the next to normal twitter chat back thing has apparently ended in a you ask the people involved capacity, and starting tomorrow the people involved will ask us. this saddens me because although it will be interesting to see what kinds of questions they are asking it isnt like we will see everyones answers, and i am guessing that means they wont go back to having us ask questions and i think that sucks because it is really fun having the answers come. i am sure it is annoying for those who are running it but maybe they can cut back on the amount of questions they ask everyday because once they finish doing the Q and A thing what will they do? it was a nice way to communicate with the fans without being annoying and making people talk about the show to people... sadness in my soul!

i also got a free ticket to a show called the perfect wedding on july 8th because of twitter and following the vital theatre company. i am pretty excited because who doesnt love free theatre, especially when the description of the show sounds pretty hip!

i also addressed some emails i had been ignoring the whole weekend... basically was any email that required thought i let go because i didnt feel like thinking this past weekend but i put my thinking cap back on today.

i ended up staying way late to watch ella enchanted on tv... i own it on dvd so there was no point but i still did!

Day 315/365 (June 29, 2009)

what are the odds of this fruit snack assortment? i opened up a little packet and did what i always do: eat the ones i dont like first. after eating only one grape and one orange i looked down to see what else to eat:and i was left with one pink and NINE reds! craziness! too bad there werent any peaches in there... of this brand they are my favorites! (and the only ones that actually taste like a fruit)

i cuddled with emma, played and snuggled a bit with tucker, picked up tucker pee, baked banana bread, had grilled pb and j sandwiches, had the fruit snacks, and watched lots of tv. i also chatted briefly with judith on gchat. i did a ton of dishes in between and was on a bit of an emotional roller coaster for myself. On one of the shows i watched today (The Closer) Barrett Foa ended up being on it (yay) and it resulted in my happiness at him being able to show a really emotional side of his acting and once again thinking he should be singing on some stage in NYC.

as far as my emotional state i was happy at some points which resulted in my cleaning out my scary inbox and stuff, but i was also unhappy in other ways that resulted in not good things (did you see what i ate today?) and thinking about things in general. i have always known i didnt want to physically live in NYC  for the rest of my life, but not that i have any idea where i would be willing to live. today (and yesterday too kind of) i wished i were some place else. i know i am a long ways away from leaving the city because i am not at a point in my life where i can just go someplace else. i am not ready to part with the friends i have close by, and dont feel like making new ones... so hopefully this feeling passes since i do not know what i want out of life any more... i am just sort of floating through with no aim or direction and that scares the crap out of me... i used to be so ambitious, and have so many plans, and now well i have nothing... i just cant deal with certain things anymore and am sick of keeping up appearances ya know? i need something but i just dont know what? there is so much going on in this head of mine that i just cant express... partly because i dont know how to and partly because i dont have anyone i am willing to unleash it all on... not because i dont trust but i just dont want to open that can of worms... though i am midly by this very public post, oy!

Day 286/365 (May 31, 2009)

i love how emma always curls her tail up on her body like that when sitting or laying down.

anywho this was not a good day for me. i was in a really depressive mood, like one of the worst i have been in a long while. i know what came over me, and i wish i had someone to talk to and i know what i need but cant get it. (calling this life woes in my tags). i am thankful krysta had volunteered the night before to help sasha and autumn get the little mermaid student tickets because really the thought of getting out of bed (ok well off the couch) for more than a few minutes was painful... enough that i didnt even go to path mark because it was "too far away" i meant to go down eventually and hang for a bit, but well emotionally and mentally i couldnt even though i am sure hanging would have helped.

i spent the day watching lots of tv, including the cute maneater on lifetime. i also finally cleared my inbox and even paid lots of bills... boredom in the highest.

at one point i went grocery shopping and bought some stuff. i made a real dinner of terriyaki beef and yummy mashed potatoes. i ate a lot but it was good. i also did a bunch of dishes

Day 267/365 (May 12. 2009)

I woke up and the biggest accomplishment was cleaning out my email inbox which means my stress level went down quite a bit! Eventually i made my way to the Barnes and Noble in Lincoln Center to see the cast of next to normal perform before their CD signing. even though it was on 66 i just walked to and from the 72nd St subway because i could and i was so nice out!

I got there and chatted with Jo Ann and Mike and some other girl for a bit, then found Chris and his friends in line. eventually they let us in and we got great seats in the front on the side. They sang three songs and made me kinda want to see it on the sooner side, but since i am almost pretty sure i am going to be all about n2n soon i might hold off. i took a bazillion pictures, especially of Aaron since he sang in all 3 songs and well i had sasha's awesome camera so i was using this as a play around with the features opportunity.... yea i think i took almost 120 over the course of those 3 songs, oops!

then i left since i wasnt getting a cd signed and did some more walking and a little grocery shopping, then i came back into the aprtment and put it all away. tonight was a roommates night in and krysta made a yummy dinner for us and we chatted and watched some tv, much needed! eventually i worked on updating this, and major facebook picture uploadage, and then we also had some vanilla ice cream with samoas in it for dessert.

One of the shows i ended up watching is The Phone, now i think it is interesting, not only does it have "suspense" in it but my favorite part is the end of the show when it is a test to human character. After the teams finishes the task they are told only one of them can get the money based on a quiz. After the person who won the quiz gets the money they have to not only decide if they will keep the money or split it, but they have to tell their teammate too. of the 3 episodes i have seen two people have split it, and 1 has not. I mean you just went through a day of all hek and you did each challenge with a teammate and probably wouldnt have been successful without their help so it is pretty selfish to not share it. i think the show would have been better if the person who won the money decided not to split it they would lose it and all the money would go to the other teammate. but yea so that is my thought.

i also did a bunch of dishes, and did some cleaning in the kitchen/livingroom... and on my way back home i found a box of newborn kittens... 5 of them and they looked like they were only a few hours old, and probably had been born within the last 12 hours of my finding them. their faces were so tiny and they were huddled together, mom wasnt too far away, but mom was a street cat so i suspect the kittens probably wont survive (or maybe already gone) but i have no way of knowing what happened to them since i dont talk to the barber shop guys who kind of look after the neighbor hood strays, and since i dont want to know anything bad, i will choose to live in ignorat bliss and believe they are on the way to becoming healthy kittens that want to play and will be adopted by people.