Day 365/365 (August 18, 2009)

WE HAS COMPLETION!!!!

It was a roller coaster of a day for me, kinda fitting since i saw next to normal i guess!

the day "began" with my attempting to get some sleep before rushing. i got about an hour before i woke up all alert and stuff. BAD NEWS instead of going right then i tried my best to pass time and finally got to rush at 4 which is when i was planning and had refused getting there any earlier. yea i was 5th in line! PISSED OFF!!!! i called sasha and finally she came down and joined and we were able to get the last set of front row orchestra seats thankfully. lack of sleep isnt good for tamra but the time passed we made friends i made a stop talking drunky mcwasted acquaintance (though his friend that had been with him earlier was most awesome). i took a little nap towards the end at one point and all was good.

got back to sasha's and watched a tiny bit of big brother after dark before getting ready and heading to my crumbs interview. the interview went well and then back to sasha's. it was nappy time. i basically only ended up getting about an hour of sleep before i was woken up by a phone call. (before i fell asleep though fred came over and nuzzled with me for a while and although it made me sneezy it made me really happy.) and pip even slept on me at one point during the day. Then i got in a long 45 minute phone call with apple because all of a sudden my phone was having some serious problems with syncing my music that i purchased and i have a temporary fix at the moment but it needs to become a temporary one so i will likely battle it out with them tomorrow.

anywho so this phone call caused me such incredible stress and part of it meant i had to call my mm which resulted in more stress and tears and well i just do not handle that well so i shoved my emotions down my throat and have been doing my best to ignore them. well sasha and i hung some more and she worked and then we gots ready to go. we went over to blockheads and met our theatre buddies there and had a yummy and delightful dinner. then to the theatre we went and the overpowering AC was most welcomed!

the show was unbelievably good and definitely worth the time spent rushing. i cant believe it had been over a month since i had seen it and am impressed with my self control (i guess the show is rubbing off on me as far as obsessiveness is concerned, j/k but lol).

after i began taking my final 365 pictures with my special 365 project. basically i took every picture that i posted in my blog and it is all on one sheet of paper with a 365 on it. and the first one was taken with sasha who is the highest tagged human! then i took one with kyle dean who seemed to enjoy my collage work since he was the first 365 picture and i hadnt intended it to happen full circle but i loved that it had. and while i was chatting with KDM chylar (pronounced skylar, tho i feel i missed a letter in there from when he told us how it was spelled.) also i dont usually "geek" out about interesting next to normal things however there were three moments this evening that had me in serious LIH (laughing in head). during why stay at one point when alice sang why stay she drew a question mark in the air and well i just found it hilarious because it was so not a her seeming thing to do and i do that all the time. also when she was taking the pills out of the medicine cabinet you could hear that some of them fell whilst she was doing so. ( i am sure others could see but not from our beautiful front row). the third was during better than before bobby accidentally messed up a lyric and instead of saying you've got it DI hooray, he said youve got it yay hooray, so then a second later when jenn sng that they both looked at each other and turned giggling as they did what they had to and when they turned back around they were still smiling and although it isnt supposed to be all giggly like that it was kind of a nice shared father daughter moment so i enjoyed that. and in general any time i see tears from people onstage i am just floored and there were some tears by kyle dean, bobby, and alice... good times! (I know i am crazy)

then sasha and i headed back and saw some lightening, by the time we got inside it was hardcore lightening and fierce rain so sasha, marty, and myself ran up to the roof to look at the sky and it was so rainy and hard and there was one especially breathtaking bolt that illuminated the whole sky and was positioned just right that we got a clear view of its bolitness!!!! then we came downstairs and watched the most oh snapish episode of big brother and i got a text from krysta saying the super had seen emma hanging around so he will keep an extra special look out for her and let us know as soon as he sees her. i hope she was okay during the storm because i miss her so very much. i also took a picture with marty and then this one with pip and fred because they are all important people in my life/blog and i was fortunate to see them today. i personally love how pip looks like he was flying and fred was nice enough to stop licking himself for a second to look at the camera for the picture!

i added this so you can see it close up if you want :D (can you find the mistake?)

as far as things go i doubt i will do a photo every day but i will try to post an entry everyday we will see how that goes and i will probably create a new blog for that since this one has run its course and i am proud of myself for keeping it up!

Day 322/365 (July 6, 2009)

he's chewing a little bone here

today was a short and long day in many ways. tucker was especially stressful in the barking and biting department, but he also played games and cuddled with me at times. i read harry potter and the half-blood prince for quite sometime (over 100 pages) and am well on my way to finishing it before i go see the movie.

my emotional state was better than it has been the last several days but it began to break while i was grocery shopping and realized that there is nothing that excites me anymore (food-wise) and that made me think about things which led to a downward spiral, which means i am trying my best to fix it because i am proud of the fact i made it several hours before lying down on the couch.

so stupid thing of the day? someone broke their key in the apartment building door so you cant put your own key in there so you are stuck outside until either someone leaves the building or you can find someone to buzz you in by pushing random buttons... translation they better fix this in the early morning or else! then once you make it past the first door you have no worries since the second door lock is broken and you dont even need to put a key in it... just push it! (go figure)

the next to normal twitter chat back thing has apparently ended in a you ask the people involved capacity, and starting tomorrow the people involved will ask us. this saddens me because although it will be interesting to see what kinds of questions they are asking it isnt like we will see everyones answers, and i am guessing that means they wont go back to having us ask questions and i think that sucks because it is really fun having the answers come. i am sure it is annoying for those who are running it but maybe they can cut back on the amount of questions they ask everyday because once they finish doing the Q and A thing what will they do? it was a nice way to communicate with the fans without being annoying and making people talk about the show to people... sadness in my soul!

i also got a free ticket to a show called the perfect wedding on july 8th because of twitter and following the vital theatre company. i am pretty excited because who doesnt love free theatre, especially when the description of the show sounds pretty hip!

i also addressed some emails i had been ignoring the whole weekend... basically was any email that required thought i let go because i didnt feel like thinking this past weekend but i put my thinking cap back on today.

i ended up staying way late to watch ella enchanted on tv... i own it on dvd so there was no point but i still did!

Day 321/365 (July 5, 2009)

my day started out really weird.  i had originally planned on getting up at 10:30 so i had time to get ready and chill before heading out to brooklyn but i couldnt bring myself to get up until 12, which is when i was originally planning on leaving! i had the most unusual experience that freaked me out a little... i got a phone call and asked who was and the person answered your father but i knew it wasnt him since A. he died a few years ago and B it sounded like my cousin alyssa. anyways as i was thinking about why alyssa was calling me since i didnt think she had my number and well she never has before my alarm went off and i realized i had never been on the phone instead it was a dream the whole time that just felt real. it freaked me out so much i had to ask krysta if something that happened earlier was real or a dream... it was real at least!

i eventually headed out to brooklyn to megan's apartment and got their even quicker than i expected, and not much later than i originally intended! on the way there i began re-reading harry potter and the half-blood prince... i didnt get far before the dude next to me saw what i was reading and engaged me in conversation about the books and movies and i kept thinking dude can't you see i am trying to read but was unable to tell him because i felt bad.

the time atmegan's was lots of fun we ate bagels, and chips and salsa while playing harry potter scene it, balderdash, and rock band. i got booed of the stage my first time playing but did much better the next attempt! and i learned that i should know wesley snipes better since he is snipes not snipe, emily is cornish pixie intuitive, and laura and i were both a little crazy. it was really a great afternoon of fun and good peeps... then on the way home i took my own discovered non-hop stop way and it got me home wicked fast compared to what hopstop had told me, so that was pretty exciting! i also discovered a unicyclist on 141 and ACP... it amused greatly, especially when he was forced to stop for a light and i was able to get this picture!

i decided also that i need to try to be in better spirits and stuff during the week so i need to do things that will try to prevent me from slipping into a not good emotional state as i seem so prone to do lately. this weekend really rejuvenated my spirits and i dont want to jeopardize that!

Day 319/365 (July 3, 2009)

the emotional downpour continued and have been watching lots of tv and eating too much i am sure. i really need to get myself out of this funk man. i mean i'm not usually this consistently dumpy and unfortunately it seems to get even worse after i have a little bit of fun such as last night...  this is a picture of krysta and her broken tooth, i took it on our way home last night well after midnight so its the most interesting picture of the day...

i did dishes and drank a whole bunch of root beer... and anyone who actually knows me (at least in the last 7-ish years) i dont really drink soda and when i do it almost never is anything except gingerale! yea so not good signs, uh-uh no way! sleeping on the new monsterous height of a bed was really comfy and alot easier to get down from than on!

went to mostly sondheim with hope and emily mcnamara was a guest host... she really is awesome! and this guy Josh Walden was also the host and he was so talented and funny!

Colleen ended up coming there too and the night was filled with many LOL moments and i got up and sang and get this they said i sounded really good! not the usual good jobv they said i actually sounded really good and when i was like really they said yes... including colleen! so well i was feeling pretty good! and jeffery and cole sang suddenly seymour... it was high quality entertanment and danny pintauro (who's the boss) sang sweet transvestite and was uber bubbly and stuff... another guy sang dont cry for me argentina in spanish... and cute waiter was working! (Adam)

Day 316/365 (June 30, 2009)

today wasnt a good emotional health day... i dont remember much of what i did besides laying on the couch and not wanting to get up (and watching lots of tv)... i did catch up on the episodes i had missed of Paris Hilton ??? BFF show... guilty pleasure much?

Day 315/365 (June 29, 2009)

what are the odds of this fruit snack assortment? i opened up a little packet and did what i always do: eat the ones i dont like first. after eating only one grape and one orange i looked down to see what else to eat:and i was left with one pink and NINE reds! craziness! too bad there werent any peaches in there... of this brand they are my favorites! (and the only ones that actually taste like a fruit)

i cuddled with emma, played and snuggled a bit with tucker, picked up tucker pee, baked banana bread, had grilled pb and j sandwiches, had the fruit snacks, and watched lots of tv. i also chatted briefly with judith on gchat. i did a ton of dishes in between and was on a bit of an emotional roller coaster for myself. On one of the shows i watched today (The Closer) Barrett Foa ended up being on it (yay) and it resulted in my happiness at him being able to show a really emotional side of his acting and once again thinking he should be singing on some stage in NYC.

as far as my emotional state i was happy at some points which resulted in my cleaning out my scary inbox and stuff, but i was also unhappy in other ways that resulted in not good things (did you see what i ate today?) and thinking about things in general. i have always known i didnt want to physically live in NYC  for the rest of my life, but not that i have any idea where i would be willing to live. today (and yesterday too kind of) i wished i were some place else. i know i am a long ways away from leaving the city because i am not at a point in my life where i can just go someplace else. i am not ready to part with the friends i have close by, and dont feel like making new ones... so hopefully this feeling passes since i do not know what i want out of life any more... i am just sort of floating through with no aim or direction and that scares the crap out of me... i used to be so ambitious, and have so many plans, and now well i have nothing... i just cant deal with certain things anymore and am sick of keeping up appearances ya know? i need something but i just dont know what? there is so much going on in this head of mine that i just cant express... partly because i dont know how to and partly because i dont have anyone i am willing to unleash it all on... not because i dont trust but i just dont want to open that can of worms... though i am midly by this very public post, oy!

Day 279/365 (May 24, 2009)

the day started off kinda hum drum, then got really good, then ended really bad. i did take an actual picture this day, but this was the most important one, which i screen capped from icanhascheezburger.

it was a lazy morning, and i could have used the car but i didnt... then eventually we got stuff ready and eventually people came over. It was a lovely afternoon/evening with family and friends. we ate lots of food, and i even found hummus i actually liked! the kids put on a dance party show for us, and even though we kept going in and out because of the rain or lack thereof it was just a really nice day and i am happy i stayed the whole weekend.

then i left and took the train back even though i didnt want to because i didnt want to ditch mary for seeing rock of ages on the today show the next morning. well sometime in transit i have no idea when it happened but my emotions took a crazy downward crash. i was so unhappy and cranky and it just wasnt good. when i saw this particular icanhascheezburger i almos cried when i saw it because it was so cute and i guess i needed a hug i never got at that moment. eventually i put away all my clothes and went to bed, not that i got to sleep for too long!